211th Movie Review: Red Riding Hood

Hey guys! In case you’re wondering how I rate my movies, here’s the breakdown.

A+ Legendary, but still not perfect

A to A- Fantastic, Excellent

B+ to B Great/Good

B- to C Good/Average, Lacking, Flawed

C- to D Greatly Flawed, Horrible, Unmemorable

D- to F Never Watch this movie again, Should’ve never been made

 

Now that’s I’ve got that all clear, here’s my review

Amanda Seyfried in Red Riding Hood

Horrible, Average, and Good at the same time

[SPOILER ALERT!!!]

At first sight, Red Riding Hood looks like yet another movie adaptation of a children’s story turned PG-13. What’s worse is that they decided to have Amanda Seyfried as the lead actress. I don’t actually hate her, but there’s something about her that just makes a film seemingly average all the time. But enough of that, I wanna focus on the actual movie.


It seems like everyone’s trying to achieve the same success of Twilight, as Summit Entertainment obviously attempted to center the story on a young girl and a man who are forbidden to love each other (they also hired Catherine Hardwicke to direct this movie). They were also noticeably lazy in opening up the story.

The movie starts with the kid version of Valerie (Amanda Seyfried) and Peter (Shiloh Fernandez). For about a minute they show how Valerie ended up being a bad girl and she roams around the forest with Peter to hunt for rabbits. Then all of a sudden, we fast forward 10 years later, when Valerie is destined to marry Henry (Max Irons) so that her family can live a better life (financially). Add Seyfried’s monotonous narration and her cheezy conversation with Peter, it was kind of the worst opening I’ve seen in a movie for a while.

The movie is obviously flawed. I don’t understand how they all looked so…groomed. The make-up was definitely obvious. There were also creepy trees with long spikes around the trunks in the forest. There are times when the voices of the people were so inaudible that I needed to take a drink or eat some nachos to distract myself. It also had a lot of plot-holes and the writers were unequivocally uninspired, which can be proven by the dialogues in the movie.

But not to worry, there were still some parts that were nice, albeit corny. The one-dimensional characters of Father Solomon (Gary Oldman) and Valerie’s father (played by Billy Burke of Twilight) provided temporary comic relief and believable acting every once in a while. The way the village people party was also kind of cool, until it was shortly halted by a fight between Henry and Peter. After Valerie attempts to end their feud, she follows Peter away from the celebration and enjoy a lengthy, lusty, and tongue-filled moment together. Good thing this scene wasn’t the climax of the film (pun intended) .

The story continues with Valerie facing the Warewolf for the first time(yeah, it can speak), and after that everything turned to full throttle suspense-wise. Who the hell was the wolf? They were pretty great with concealing his/her identity. I guess even if movies weren’t as good as before, filmmakers still know how to please the crowd some other way. They also incorporated the elements of the original story into the movie. Valerie’s dream included the legendary “Grandma, what big eyes you have” dialogue, which instantly made you believe that it wasn’t the grandmother who was the wolf. One by one, the potential suspects are eliminated, and leaves only one…Peter

However, just when you thought it really was Peter, it turns out it was actually Valerie’s Dad who was the werewolf. Valerie and her father have a lengthy conversation in her grandma’s house (grandma was killed by her dad, but why the heck are they acting like nothing happened?). Just when she was about to be in danger, Peter arrives and saves her, getting bitten in the process. This meant that Peter will become the next werewolf as the curse passes from one to another every 13 years (This also meant that Peter will become Jacob Black for the next 13 years). This also meant that Peter will be forced to isolate himself, and leave Valerie in the process.

But no! Valerie informs Peter that she will wait for him until the curse is over, and it all ends with Peter saying “I knew you’d say that”. Congratulations Valerie! You’ve now just informed us that you’ll stay a virgin for another 13 years!

Much like the opening, they also failed to give the best ending. The movie began and ended as something you would usually expect from Summit Entertainment, disappointing. But you know what? Even though the movie had its flaws, it was interesting enough not to bore me all the way.

Overall, Red Riding Hood is a movie you’d love to hate.

GRADE: C

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